I didn't have a close relationship with Jesus before, even though I went to a Catholic school growing up. I mean, I knew of Him, but I didn't truly know Him. The only thing I did know about God was how angry I was with Him. This might sound bad, but I didn’t want to believe there was a real God because if there was, He must have agreed that I wasn’t worthy to be saved. I was in a relentless pursuit of fifilling the empty void in my heart, and I couldn't be stopped. I craved the acceptance of others & the validation of the world just to feel a sense of wholeness.

My idea of being wealthy, my pride in hustle culture, aimless dating, lifeless parties, and my obsession of materialistic crap from this cursed world had me in death’s grip. It's the devil's favorite game, and I was his favorite player.

My lust for life turned into pure exhaustion. I was constantly trying to fill my cup with fleshly desires & live up to society’s expectations, all in an attempt to understand or maybe even find a rewarding purpose.

I was only 28, but if this was what life was all about, then I wanted out. The devil doesn't play fair. Misery loves company, and everyday my despair grew. That night, I made a deal with the devil and was dragged into his lifeless pit of rock bottom. I was so scared & alone. How did everything get so dark? I felt like I had nothing worth living for, yet my heart yearned for something not of this world.

I know this sounds crazy, but that night, through my storm of thoughts & tears, an unwelcome yet forceful vision was planted inside my mind. It felt like I was having an out-of-body experience as I watched a set of hands slowly move towards me in the darkness. Both hands lifted my body from the cold, rocky ground and began cradling me like a child. That’s when I heard His voice.

He revealed that His heart ached for so long as He waited patiently for me to invite Him in, to comfort me during my struggles & endless confusion, and to heal my empty & broken spirit. Because, well, He knows what that feels like.

In that moment, I realized that He didn’t give us free will so that we could shout, “YOLO“ from every rooftop. Instead, it was gifted to us so we might learn the true meaning of a relationship. To meet someone halfway. The peace & adoration I felt as I slept in His scar-filled hands is something I will never forget. I never wanted that feeling to end. It felt like everything I was searching for was finally found, & He had been patiently waiting to show me.

He spoke to me without using words, like this indescribable spiritual feeling. In that, I saw a tiny glimpse of this beautiful plan He had for me all along. The one He had written before I was even born. All done to remind me of my purpose. 

Not because I was some character in a game, but because my Father is the Most High, and He chose me! Out of all the souls He could have created, He thought of me. Every single hair on my head was counted by the One who created everything into existence.

Looking back, all the things I once valued never came to save me. But Jesus met me in my darkest moment. He never left me. Despite all the evil & selfish acts I carry, He never stopped searching for me. I’ve never experienced that power of love. Trust me, once you experience it, you will go to war to never lose it.

Now I see God in everything. Because He saw something in me. It was no longer about instant gratification of the flesh; it was, and always has been, about the beauty within our hearts. That’s where our good & true intentions grow from.

Like a garden, we must nurture them to grow. So, why not go to the source of all creation?